God Made Us Sisters; Prozac Made Us Friends

My Mother Is a Travel Agent for Guilt Trips

Senior Citizen: Give Me My Damn Discount

(Spotted on a passing motorcycle): If You Can Read This, My wife Fell Off

I Used to Be Schizophrenic, but We're OK Now

Veni, Vedi, Visa: I Came, I Saw, I Did a Little Shopping

What If the Hokey Pokey Is Really What It's All About?

Coffee, Chocolate, Men; Some Things Are Just Better Rich

Liberal Arts Major ... Will Think for Food

Don't Treat Me Any Differently Than You Would the Queen

If You Want Breakfast in Bed, Sleep in the Kitchen

First National Bank of Dad; Sorry, Closed

In Dog Years, I'm Dead

Love May Be Blind, But Marriage Is a Real Eye Opener

If at First You Don't Succeed, Skydiving Isn't for You

The Trouble With the Gene Pool Is That There's No Lifeguard

Get a New Car for Your Spouse. It'll Be a Great Trade

I'm Going to Graduate on Time, No Matter How Long It Takes

Anything Not Worth Doing Is Not Worth Doing Well

A Day Without Sunshine is Like Night

First Things First, but Not Necessarily in That Order

Old Age Comes at a Bad Time

In America, Anyone Can Be President. That's One of the Risks You Take

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.

BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.